Take me out coach.

Five down, one hundred and thirty-three to go.

I'm not now, nor ever have been very athletic.  I was fit and trim once, a very long time ago and I am in shape now, round is still a shape right?  But I'm also myopic Mr. MaGoo nearsighted, a bit of a klutz, as graceful as a drunk stroke victim, all that and with the speed of a tree sloth, a stoned tree sloth.

Yes, I was one of those kids who tried to skip gym class, never had much luck with that, or the kid who tried to get out of it by writing a note from my mom to excuse me.  Never had much luck with that either, my hand writing is ATROCIOUS.  So, when I say I hated gym class, P.E. in the later years, you might have an idea of where I'm coming from.

Dodge ball.  Proof positive that Physical Education coaches are big sadistic bastards meanies.  Those red rubber balls scattered over the floor of the gym meant only one thing, it sucked to be me.

"Chip, take off your glasses and get out there."

"But coach, I can't see without them."

"Don't care Chip, we can't take the chance of a ball hitting you in the face and breaking your glasses."

"But coach, we aren't supposed to throw at people's heads."


"Don't care Chip, you know how some of these kids are.  Now, get em off and get out there..."

Ugh, sucks to be me.

(Raises hand) "I'm out, you got me, good throw, that one hit me."

"Chip, get back in there.  We haven't even started yet."

"Gee thanks coach."  Still sucked to be me.

Yes, I was also one of those kids who was always the last pick.  For nearly any team sport.  Except flag football.  A big lumbering brute normally out sizing the rest of the kids his age.  Put me on the front line, they can't see over me and have to run all the way around me.  It didn't matter much, I still sucked.  I played left out on the football field, end, guard and tackle for softball, and went deep for basketball, really deep, back to the locker room deep.

It's a good thing I didn't stake my life on being able to play professional tiddly winks.

Six down, one hundred and thirty-two to go.

Thanks for playing.  K, luv ya, buh bye.

See you tomorrow.