It's not over.

I'm tired, physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.  I am safe but I am so bloody fucking tired.  I want to escape to a place where I can rest, and recharge, somewhere safe from the worries that plague me daily.   However, that's not possible, physically, mentally, or financially.

I'm stuck.  The depression and anxiety have taken their toll.  Even though the oncologist is quite happy with my renal cell carcinoma prognosis, it too has left me exhausted.

There is so much darkness in the world surrounding me, hatred and ignorance.  The angry orange shit gibbon with his penchant for Russian cock, Russian whore piss, and the complacent, complicit orange cocksuckers that is the GOP these days have left me hating what my country has become.  America is facing a moral and probably mortal wounding.  It saddens me.  It sickens and disgusts me.  This is not the United States of America that I used to love.  This is a dystopian cyberpunk nightmare.

Brown children in cages, the LGBTQ+ community under attack, the rich getting richer and the poor getting fucked.  This is the GODDAMN 21st century!  This is not how we're supposed to be.

I can only hope that we can come to our senses in November and begin the process of trying to fix this absolute fucking shit storm.

I am fucking exhausted, but I remain safe.
Peace, Love and Harmony to all of us.

Be Positive, like my blood type.

'I Will Survive!'

As of this moment I am not a cancer survivor, but I will be.

My Mantra of late;

This is my life.

I will survive.

You will not beat me.

You will not defeat me.

You will not break me.

You will not take me.

This is MY LIFE!

I WILL SURVIVE!

Changes...

There are days in my life I can look back on and say:

'On that Day,  my life changed.  On that day I am not the same person I was the day before.'

The day a girl in the neighborhood and I decided to see what the hubbub that we were being taught in Health class was all about.  We were about 10 or 11.

The day I met my best friend.  I can't remember the actual date, but it's a very good bet that it was early September, 1974, as freshmen and probably on the very first day of high school.

The day, rather the night of my first intimate encounter with a member of the fairer sex.

The day I joined the Navy.

The day I met my first true love.

The day I found out my first true love wasn't particularly true.

The day I wrecked my knee and in one of those weird freak accidents destroyed a good portion of the cartilage.  The right knee hasn't seen a good day since.

The day I returned to civilian life.

The day I met her.

The day I found out she was an addict.  You can't help someone who doesn't want your help.

The day I quit smoking.

And August 3rd, 2017.

The day I received a voice mail from my doctor telling me it was urgent that I call her back as soon as possible.

Urgent.  I knew what that word meant.

Urgent.  A word I had feared and dreaded for 45 years.

Urgent.  Why me?

Urgent.  It's probably renal cell carcinoma; cancer.

I'm told to expect a high likelihood of a full, cancer free recovery following treatment.  My team is working on our treatment plan.  Most likely, surgery to remove all or part of the kidney.

After fearing this word for all of my adult life.  I wondered how I would deal with it.  Today, I need not wonder.  Today I'm okay.  I'm certainly not happy about it, but I am okay.  I'm not in denial, I am fully aware of what lies in store for me.  My attitude is good.  My mind, my heart, my body and my will are all strong. Even if the news is bad, I think I'm okay.  That may change though.  I guess I shall see.  But right now, I've got this.